Discovering My Life's Work

My mind is racing about, a thousand miles per hour. I thought I would just squeeze a little bit of my thoughts on to paper as I hesitate to just live an ordinary life.

Today I am asking myself "Why am I against the majority of the world's ideas and philosophies. I can not tell anyone what goes through my mind these days because its beyond comprehension. I think and ask myself, do I look like an ordinary human being and where are my extra-ordinary people in this world. I really need them bad with their out-of-the box ideas and philosophies.

During Late October I found myself back in Atlanta trying to get my life together. The things I've gotten accomplished were unheard of just a few months ago. I finally gotten my car registered so the cops would stop me and put me in jail. In order for me to get the car registered I had to get my car to pass the emissions. It failed the first time and I had to get it repaired in the Fulton county. In order to get the car fixed I had to accumulate some money, and that was a hard task, because I've been in depression for about 6 months, and what got me out of it, was the ability to move in with my Uncle in Atlanta.

Now my car is complete, my computer adapter has been swapped out, I have gas money to roam around Atlanta in order to seek a job. I am currently creating a couple of Resume drafts so that I can finally print them out and get a job that doesn't require much labor work. I am a thinker and a strategic artist. I don't do hard labor unless it's lifting weights or running up mountains. I like to achieve personal goals when it comes to that. Could you believe that people said I could work as a part time Box lifter to just put money in my pocket? Instead of starting my own business, writing, or creating something to benefit human kind. Lifting boxes is probably the next thing in line for me to do. I do somehow get offended when people try to take a shot at my intelligence. I guess its my fault for keeping my life secret and what not. Oh well. I haven't been spending much time home.

I am not sure why I get so offended, but time ticks and I can present myself really well. But I remember obtaining mindless jobs and the employers asked why was I there? I told them that I was easily persuaded by family and friends to work this "Shit job". lol. I guess It's because after graduation I had to hit full throttle and scatter my energies all over the place.

I vowed to not take those turn of events. My friends suggested that I valet park cars and travel 50 miles to coach soccer each day in the 23 degree weather. That doesn't make me better than that person. It just makes me a different type of person. Something will work out, because I am magnetizing a job to me. :P. Why would I do that? I guess secretly, I am a homebody and I don't mind staying home and just dwindling on the internet. I know I have to do something with my life, but with these suggestions I think I need to find heavy and motivational beings with big ideas. The ideas from my other friends were good. AND why am I even calling them friends. Everyone is only an associate until further notice. I had to deal with a lot of betrayal, single-mindedness, and just shitty situations with these people.

Everyone thinks that everything is cool between them, but I can act my way through life as if nothing were happening. But I found out through my depression that I did not have an outlet to express my worries, wants, needs, desires. I found my outlet is in writing and speaking with a chosen few that I found along my path. Now, I am quite a loner and haven't really had any in-depth conversations with people lately.

I am afraid that my brain may fall out with their mode of thinking. Remember I am a Virgo, so criticizing is my forty. I figure that I am to nice of a guy and people want to use me as a door mat sometimes. They feel that they can just say anything they want to me, but I learned to just use body language to show my uncomfortable level. There has to be a group of heavy thinkers that I can join. All we would think, and not speak at all. That would be nice lol. Listening to music would be our way to concentrate on thinking.

Today, I became frustrated with myself because I had a pre-screening over the phone for a Version Control Position, and I messed up by telling them about the programs that I used that I hardly had any experience in. Plus I do not; know how to make a resume, because I don't know what direction I am going in. Besides I don't settle. It's like when I do have something; I find a way to get out of what I have to find something better. The recruiter told me that my resume needed a bit more work, and I had to describe what I did at each company, and the programs I used. Not just describe the programs in general. Computers are fascinating, but I am a lot more drawn to the natural world. I will need to find something in Environmental Work or Animals. I thought I would be fascinated with web design, writing, and photography. But I also wanted to try soccer for about 2-3 years with a semi-pro team..

The opportunities are endless but I am just thinking where I should start. I am used to having a partner in crime but I am hanging solo and won't recruit another best friend until I found someone worthy. It'd probably end up being a be a beautiful female since I attracted to the opposite sex, and I don’t need a lot of people around me.

Well, the more I think about working the more I want to through up. I haven't worked in almost a year now, and it's been great living the life of a philosopher, reader, and thinker. It's not like I don't do anything, there are countless books that I have read that I usually post on my face book. I read thousands of articles on Astrology, Inspiration, Motivation, and Spirituality. I would share with people my ideas, but it usually goes over their heads so I have to find some kids to influence in a positive way.

So what Is my life's work? I am not sure but I do know Venus rules my birth chart. She is associated with Beauty, Charm, Love, and I think Modeling would still be a great avenue, but I'd have to find someone that would pay for my food and gym member ship. I rather work out 24/7 and not set foot in an office. Becoming a body builder/writer/model/ male jigaloo sounded good lol. J.p about the jigaloo part. I enjoy just being to myself at all times, and when I think of working for someone, it feels like my body turns in to stone and I do not want to move. No matter how much I want to move on. It's like rather turn into a tree instead. I'll soon get over and I won't hit the next person that just says get anything, because I know where their mind is at, it’s practically inside their own heads and not in mine.

Today I was supposed to be gentle with myself, which was recommended by the Deer Card that I picked up from my Avalon Oracle cards. Being Gentle with myself would be to just listen to music all day, run about 5 laps around a track, work out in the weight room, read about 5 books in a day, then eat a good meal, watch a movie, and then visit a national park lol.

Oh, that reminds me I visited Stone Mountain Park Yesterday; It was very peaceful up there. I climbed to the top with my feet, and I walked very fast too. I went Monday and Wednesday. The view of the sun set touched my heart tremendously as I felt that I was closer to the sky, and the flow of deep space. I saw the Atlanta sky-line, and sat down just thinking about how cold it was. I sat in an isolated part of the mountain where it would be hard to see me. I sat there just asking the Stone Mountain for it's strength in hopes that I could find stability in myself. I feel the more I am around the mountain and become in tune with it, the more grounded I will feel. Only time will tell.

Well that is enough; I will pursue my job search in hopes of finding employment with the right company and people. Or just end up making my own business. :) May there be peace on Venus!

I suppose

Today was a good day! Kind of, I went out the house finally. I think this has been my second day in a row to step outside the cave I put myself in. I actually saw life for a while lol. I have not written in a while and I know that's not like me to write every 3 weeks or so. Wait that is like me? I have been pretty inconsistent with my blogs, but I have been neglecting my urges to write. Well here it goes

The movies of life has been the hot topic in my life.

I went to see the movie "Star Wars: The Clone Wars". I loved the Jedi Knights lol, I really think I should be one of them in real life. I know I am crazy, but who wouldn't want to be one. You can manipulate people's minds, using invisible force to crush people, have electricity shoot out your hands, and just jump all over the place defying gravity. That's what I am talking about!. I practice a lot of meditation and I see myself as a warrior in white with clear skin made of light filaments, perhaps that's my original origin.

I took a loook at some books today to, comic books on Star Wars and light meditation. There was a book on Remote Viewing, I think I am going to use my mediation settings for that, it had very useful tips on there. :). How enlightening, well I can imagine things, so we'll see what comes about. Hopefully I am disciplined to write down my thoughts and keep myself in Nirvana!

Yesterday I took a peak at "Atlantis: The Lost Empire". I am definitely one of them, they have an affinity for crystals and I have a large gathering of them in a wooden bowl. I should meditate more often, Lemuria is also a place I have probably spent some life times because I came across a site of the Blue-Ray children and it described me very well. It was a precise and to the point , but I know I am a warrior of light came to destroy some old belief systems that serve no purpose in the new world.

Slowly, but surely something new will occur on earth. Not sure what it's going to be but I am starting to feel it more and more these days.

Lately, I've also been hard on my job search ( not really). I tend to trick myself in believing I am trying to find a job long and hard but I've been totally unsuccessful lately. I mean what is truly out there for me, because I am always bored all the time with people and conversing with people that only associate themselves with money. I can't ignore them, because they would get on my nerves even more. I tend to worry about meaningless things, but oh well.

I miss my old life where I got to eat everything and paint. Go to the parks and museums anytime I wanted, where is that life again. Now that I am finding myself more and more these days, I feel that I am going to levitate soon. I am devoting three 20 minute sessions on meditation. Hopefully I'll stick to my regimen. I want to focus on getting out of my labyrinth, because crap keeps coming up keeping me in isolation. I am about tired of it, Saturn should be out of my sign soon, so hopefully things will lighten up after such a thing. Maybe I am not using it's energy wisely enough, but oh well. I made incredible changes, I am just looking for something fulfilling.

Well, this is all I will write, I feel better the more I write and talk about things that will better my future as a General or CEO of a company for large jelly beans lol. :D OK, I'm off to write random words in my small notebook. I love to write !!!! I am going to watch movies tomorrow to!!!. They are so great, well the ones that mean things, not that drama crap about love, screw that. Oh, and Ill raise my job search strength to .02 percent. I hate to work, maybe after I get a job, I can take a lucky girl out on a date finally lol.



Adios Samurais

Solar Eclipse Day (New Moon)

Sweet Misery - Amel Larrieux - song has nothing to do with what I am talking about but it's nice :D

Today is the day of the Solar Eclipse. New moon is today, so it's a super new beginning. I wish I was in the areas that are able to view it. There is suppose to be a lunar eclipse later on this month as well. I wonder what that means, because having two eclipses are suppose to have some deep spiritual meaning I think. I think it's time to soak up the energies that is provided by the moon presenting it's self in front of the sun.

My days are totally switched around. Instead of waking up at 7am. I wake up at 7pm now and go to bed around 11am. I decided to make that switch instinctively because I wanted to spend more time looking at the stars. Yesterday, I got a glimpse of a UFO. I know it wasn't a plane because it wasn't blinking. I laid in the grass gazing in the stars like I always do, and then suddenly I saw this "Star", or bright dot floating around. It started moving slowly like a plane and then moments later it became very bright and disappeared. A few minutes later I saw a plane in another part of the sky, but it was blinking and moving like a plane. So, that plane confirmed it , that I did not see an ordinary object in the sky. So, neat, I guess my veils are beginning to tear away.

Earlier, I saw a shooting star zoom across the sky. I made a wish upon it and hopefully it comes true. I love nighttime, that's when I feel most alive and relax. I am still incorporating the ideas of being a night dweller instead of moving through out the sun lit days. I get to see the sun rise as well, which is fulfilling to me. The sun wakes during the hours of the dragon, so that's neat! I walked, laid in the grass and just sat there letting my thoughts come together. I really don't do much anyway, because I love living the simple life. It's been 8 days since I wrote my last blog, and It only felt like it was yesterday.

Time is moving at an incredible rate. It's like how can this be without any warning, those that are aware of this. I wonder what they are doing in order to harness this new time speed. It doesn't make sense, but I am glad because I need to hurry up with my mission.

Today I ended up at Books-a-million and gazed across some comics. I took a glimpse at the Mariner, or something. A comic about the King of Atlantis. It was pretty interesting because I figured I had a couple of past lives in Atlantis which seemed very interesting, so I also took a look at you tube videos that spoke about Lemuria and Atlantis, I love those stories. True or not true, I like fantasy anyway. I believe it's true and whats going on in the world is so outdated and boring. War is totally over-rated lol. After that I decided to call on my spirit and imagined myself by the Orion's belt. I started hearing a voice in my head saying. " I am Kamara from distant realms". I know I am a writer and I am suppose to make up a lot of things, then I suddenly heard the sound of water. I didn't freak out though but it was very interesting.



Oh, I decided to apply to the Peace Corp. I am always helping everybody and their momma with problems instead of my own, so why not make my time useful and travel everywhere doing it where it's needed instead of giving my powers to people that drain the crap out of me. No more of that, I promise myself!! . I am single without any offsprings running around. At least I don't think I do lol, I just have myself to worry about. It'll be a good opportunity for a new challenge.I consider it a project to see what I am truely capable of when it comes to spreading love and wisdom, I can learn several languages while I am at it

. I hope they take me in. The only thing that would hold me back is my debt :(. It'll take forever for me to pay it off because of my attitude towards society, I don't want to work a meaningless job and that's all that I see currently. I am still in the releasing of the old beliefs process and it's taking a lot of time, jeez. I just want it to end already, but I figure you can't rush perfection haha.I figure traveling around the world helping people will provide me with enough inspiration to create stories, or perhaps help me with a high level position, who knows. Traveling will give myself a challenge and much recongnition which I need for myself. I am bound to be a bad ass in the future. The numbers says I am cool, with the Life path of 7 I also discovered I have master numbers in my numerology chart. 11 and 22 pops up all over the place. Everyone should google, numerology if your intersted.

Well, I am glad I wrote today, because I always feel good when I write and just let my fingers type away and away. I wonder what kind of thoughts the solar eclipse will bring today because it's wonderful to see those types of things in the sky. It's different, better than seeing rising gas prices in my opinion, or dramatic people worrying about silly things. :p

I have to write two essays for the Peacecorp. That should take like 2 minutes because I type super fast. I need something new and exciting in my life. Come new life, come to me now! I will be kind and generous.

The Lemuria Video I watched:

Misty Rain!!

DUnno who he is, but i like his theme!

Today was a very stormy day. I did not wake up until 3 pm today. The ascension process is very exhausting, becuase I have the feeling that I am not here in this world anymore but I am going to keep acting like it for the sake of my body. :P Thunderclaps, Lightning bolts, and monsoon like rains came pouring down on the city today. The earth is getting heavy, but she is cleansing herself at all times. It was actually kind of scary to because I kept waking up out my sleep, just incase a torando or something started whiz by, but I instantly casted protection around the house just so that stuff won't happen.


I had a desire to read my Computer Security book and a few others to help motivate me to protect myself and gain my personal power back. Yes, I compare computer security with personal security. Computers are just like humans, but a different expression. There are your spammers, hackers, and others that come into your life to take your resources, energy, spam you with a bunch of garbage just for their sake. In the end it doesn't help you at all, they are just unloading worthless crap on you just for their personal satisfication. I am developing a mental virus protection as I upgrade myself into new realms. I know exactly what to look out for and lately I've been locking down myself waiting for the right time to spring up again. My computer has been my savior for the past year and I am thankful for it. It allowed me to connect with like minded people that have helped me with my long process.! :D

So all day was kind of disturbing for a while, all the crying, the raining, and I met an Asshole that claimed to be a spiritual teacher. He tried to be-little me every time he got. One of the topic of discussion was about working out to increase my brain capacity. He told me working out has nothing to do with developing your IQ and brain capacity. I believe that It did, because it allows the blood flow to your brain to increase and maximizes energy. People can use this energy for anything, I choose it to read and think better.

People brought up IQ test, but I feel that those tests are man made. The ones that are running the country right now don't even have high IQ, the ones with the highest are more likely slaves of society, holding on to their scores ranting about how much smarter they are in comparison. I also, told him it was hard for me to mingle with people and he had the nerve to call me a People Hater, I am like what? So yea, although people claim they are spiritual teachers, does not mean they are of the highest good.That guy was just old and fat probably with a bald head, ugly, I don't blame him for being angry lol? He started going off on other people as well. I bet they know his true colors now, I some how can bring out the worst in people and the best. Lucky me!

Watch out for these false priests, even Popes try to get their freak on with little boys, which is sick but the parents of these children do not teach their kids any better :(. They need to learn to defend their bodies and not let some old wrinkled guy come onto them, its just plain gross!. The lesson I've learned is not to waste my time. I actually told the guy that he bored me and he kicked me out the chat lol. Some teacher, reminds of elementary school, I used to crack on all my teachers because they were boring. Yes, I am definitely a system buster, mainly because I don't give a damn about a lot of things. I am just glad to be alive and I'll work myself around situations using my mind without fear or doubt. The universe always lines it's self up for the best.

I don't claim myself to be this ultimate holy person either, I don't need to be, I am not trying to be a priest, I just like to say whats on my mind whether it's right or wrong. I'll learn! XD. Yea, it was a troublesome day, my friend is sad because she did not graduate in 4 years, she will be graduating in six instead. She kept changing her major and became frustrated. I feel that we don't know what we wanna do with our lives because society has changed so much, there is no way someone can do one thing for the rest of their lives. It's been done in the past but the revolution is here. Multi-tasking at it's finest."Oh, I just saw an orb". I gave her my personal healing session, by explaining that she has done hard work and don't cast what she has learned in the past. She can be a power house in the future with all the skills that she has learned. I feel that a degree is a piece of paper and it doesn't define anyone, an object that is more or less a personal booster letting society know your seirous and motivated about yo STUFF! . School is boring as hell though.

I don't want this to be a long blog. But it was sort of a gloomy day and I played Guild Wars today which was a lot of fun. My D/Me is now a level 15 power house , he jumped 4 levels in the past two days I think? I am not sure, but it's mainly about skills in that game anyway. It's just a lot of fun to have tons of energy and health so that I won't die so easily. Dying is lame! lol Living is great! Only if your hanging with the right crowd, because people make life miserable and I honestly feel that you can catch cancer by just looking at those types of people lol. :P That's just me, I am sensative like that. I only desire to hang out with the cool kids, the litte people are the ones that believe that they are living just to die. The cool ones don't worry about age, dying, and finding there isn't anything to do. You find those people aging a lot less than most.

Here is my Character from Guild Wars!!! (I have two actually, but I'll post him later)

Full Moon Tonight

It's a full moon tonight, how lovely is that for such a passionate person of the moon. I just came outside from soaking in the moonlight and set down my stones,my jug of water, and placed my feet on the ground to absorb the lunar light fragments sprinkled all over the place. Now I have re-energized crystals and a jug of water that has been hit by the lunar flames of the night. I spent roughly an hour outside just thinking about the up and coming month and reflecting on the previous accomplishments since the last full moon. I was fascinated by the accomplishments but I still have much to release.

The obstacles I still have to over come are the issues I hold inside about my ideas of my family. I have charge up my root and sacral chakra because they are closed. I took this chakra test and that assured me that I needed to do something about it. I started meditating with my red and orange stones and eating orange food such as carrots. My meditation was geared towards charging my chakras with red and orange light. I already do some heavy physical exercises so, that didn't but instead of running I began to walk. Walking allows me to stay in my body and feel my legs picking up off the ground and move. I began taking hot baths and feeling my body as I lay in the water, massaging my legs and feet with baby oil. It's soothing. I just feel that I have to come back to reality, my higher chakras are and harmonized, however without a strong foundation there isn't much hope for survival. The root chakra is the base of survival and fearlessness. I am that of a fearless warrior but going through the ascension process I had to release a lot of things so suddenly which hampered them chakras so much.




Right now I am surrendering to my spirit and letting go all the contracts I have with anything. I am relying on my own sources for power and wisdom of how to do this. The images that come up in my head is being by water, owning my own apartment, with Internet and begin making money by selling my creativity. I love to write stories and what not, so this month I am going to set it all up. I have my pay pal account finally set up to make money, I am thankful for Joseph for his guidance to help me make that happen. Without him I'd probably still rant and rave about why having a job is meaningless. I am working though, just not in this reality, I believe I am hanging out in higher realms because I don't even get the T.V. anymore the television urks me , time is moving a lot faster, so I just have to keep up.

On top of that I was reading my ascension book and I cleansing my soul through deep meditation. 20 mins feel like 2 minutes now the better I get at it. all I do is focus on breathe and white light. Sometimes when I wanna focus on love, I used past relationships to help with that aspect. I've shown and received lots of love with plenty of women, but sometimes I rejected it because I felt unworthy, now I don't have to feel unworthy. Society teaches us this and it's really not a good thing if you want to obtain personal truth.

Today, I ate a crap load of cookie dough, don't worry I had health foods all day. Cookie Dough is my addiction, but I rarely have it now since I don't have my own source of income at the moment, but when it happens I will have a fridge full of it, but not to much I don't want to lose my "Six-PAC". My light is becoming more powerful though, the better music i listen to the more orbs I see during those moments. It's fascinating although I only see them for a half a second ,it's fun to see these bright little buggers light up randomly out the side of my eye. I just want to see them permanently and be able to ask them questions. I feel my guides at time resting on my right arm. Like they are trying to get my attention.


There is one thing that bugs me is that my family especially my mom and sister, wants me to retire them and buy them a house. If I don't they call me selfish. :( Why did that do that to me? Did I allow this because society tells me family first no matter what. If i asked them for a house, a car, even other fancy things, they will close up their purse and say get a job. So no, sorry, I chose my life to be free. They even tell me that since I don't have kids I should be able to do this. That's very lame, who teaches these people to say such things. I never had that belief even though I was raised in the same environment as them. I just believe I am a lone wolf trying to make a living. My spirit wanted to stop pursuing goals just so I want become wealthy and feel obligated to provide these things for the family. Now I say screw it, they can bust their ass and work hard to gain their own fortunes and I can have mine things. I created my reality, but I was easily influenced by the concept of family staying together, but with their thoughts I beg to differ and no one should have to put up with it. "As if it were a blessing that I didn't have kids, I used condoms really and acted responsibly in the bed that's pretty much it. No condom, No sex, no kids" I don't figure that's to hard but oh well. Now I want my G-35 , spacious apartment, work desk, living by the beach and I won't let the economy stand in my way. Well enough of that, the Moon and my higher self will grant my wish.

Every full moon I set my intentions on bettering my life. Right now I want to focus on the forgiveness aspects. It's easy for me to tuck things away and forgive easily, but right now I refuse to forgive people who be little me at times, but I want to release that. I am the source of my own power and I do not need anyone telling me how to live my life. I can take suggestions, but its up to me to accept it or not. However, I do attract a lot of people without having to say a word, mainly its because of my physical body, I presume. Being 6'4 and willing to smile at anything and everything shoots of invitations, my teacher told me to work on that lol. So here is the list I am making, by the NEW MOON I am going to double check what I have done.

-Learn Forgiveness and Forgive myself and those that have abused me, hurt me, intentionally or unintentionally.

-Charge my root chakra and sacral through meditation and physical exercises, allowing my creativity to flourish

- Focusing on creating and abundant cash flow so that I can become independently wealthy, because I deserve it, my spirit urges for it.

-Working with my gifts and energy manipulation

-Releasing attachments and psychic contracts ( ALL OF THEM)

-Enjoying fun and games; allowing my self to relax every once in a while.

Well I don't want to make work load to much, the above list is a lot of work for me and everyday is a chance to create an abundant future. Because I deserve it. DAMN IT!

Here is a favorite video game song that I like

Wolverine's Theme ; Street Fighter Vs. X-Men

Journey Towards to FOOD

I wanted to write on this fine night to help me with my journey towards greatness. I don't really have a formal quote or anything to write, but we'll see what comes out of my mind as I write. I usually have pictures on my site, but this crazy webpage is not letting me load any!!

I went grocery shopping today with my roommate. We finally was able to afford food, we decided that we wanted to continue to exist here on planet earth. Instead of buying gas and paying for bills, we were taught in science class that food is energy and we need it. I guess we want to live a little bit longer for now. I actually don't pay for anything, as I transition into Independence, I just need someone to take care of me through my ascension process. People will think I am crazy if I went out into the real world now. But I am not, I do believe in Aliens and washing my hands before I eat ! :) My roommate and I created wonders out of 20 dollars, its a lesson of conservation. I think we passed. Although we brought $21.20 worth of food. ( DAMN TAXES). I am a perfectionist so I was a little upset that I didn't calculate that in, oh well. We have Turkey Bologna to make up for it.

After grocery shopping ,we headed to the dollar Theatre, Actually the movies cost $2.50 on the weekends. :( Why do they call it the dollar movie theatre if the ticket prices aren't a dollar all the time. False Advertisement!!!. Oh well, it was a pretty nice theatre. I missed out on a lot of movies during my transition and I was finally able to see Forbidden Kingdom. I want to be a Traveling Monk now.I want to go on an enchanted journey and become an immortal. So I can conquer worlds and enjoy new sites. The world is such a dull place sometimes. I think the Internet is the best world I've seen so far. What a magical movie that was!. . Owning a big house and fancy cars seems boring. I want to own my powers and manipulate the people that create M&M's so they can deliver free bags of M&M's everyday to my door step. The force is with me !!! But it is a fun movie. I recommend it to anyone. The kid reminds me of myself, I've always had a passion for martial arts and fighting. It's very fun to participate. My favorite PlayStation games are Street Fighter, SNK, Samurai Showdown, and Fatal Fury.

So I think in a couple of my past lives I was a magical fighter of some sorts. Probably was hired to protect, since I like protecting people in and guiding people in this life time. Well actually I quit that, because people don't want help anymore these days. I just hate seeing people destroy themselves over nothing. Oh well, I was told I am only responsible for myself. I am just here to think positive and do whatever I want. Especially since I have the ability to see orbs at random. These bright lights are kind of nice, but they flash at random times.

Martial Arts has been a passion of mine ever since I was a kid. I practice Tae Kwando and received a red belt before moving away into a far distant town. Into hell actually, but that's another story. I was a bad ass, and won 3rd place in my first ever tournament. I didn't do all the yelling, I just focused my energy on my feet. I was pretty strong as well, I remember kicking this one guy through the pad and he had to go throw up or something. I wonder what kind of damage I can do now. I'll probably kick down a couple of trees tomorrow to find out how powerful I am, maybe I lost it. I won't know until I find out. I did read in a Samurai Philosophy that games are a waste of time and a noble man is the one that trains, studies, and trains some more. A leader always has to look good because people will look up to him and follow his noble ways.

I kind of want to watch a bunch of martial arts films today. I played a little Guild Wars finally, I wanted to kind of take myself out this world for a while, and help focus on journeys and quests in the games. It will help me with this life as well. People think games are a joke, but they are actually quite useful, just depends on the games you play. So Guild WARS is not a game haha. There is life and death there, of course there is a restart button but still. The game tallies up the amount of death one has. So that's pretty meaningful, no real funerals but its still sad, seeing your man defeated by goblins that just zapped you with lightning and summon a dead army of flies . Oh well, I think this will be good for me anyway. I've been in serious mode these past days and really not getting anything done. My animal Tarot, told me I need to play a little more and start taking life a lot less seriously. I suppose, but I figured I had to break out of some mental patterns that keep holding me back some how. I am better now.


Damn, I write a lot; I apologize, but oh well. Tomorrow I am going to dive into creating articles and start making some money, so that I can finally buy food! I seriously only live to buy food. I think I am a good writer. I don't have any money on me now and the only way out for me is to write. Gas prices is ridiculously high and I have to use my resources. Which is my laptop, the Internet, and my skills. I have tons of education, I felt that I disrespected myself because I was settling for these low dead end jobs. I am a freaking genius and I can't be messing with small time stuff anymore. I don't have any formal experience, but I know I can do any job I set my sites on. Most jobs are pretty boring, I don't know how many people are bored with their jobs, they get paid to be in jail is how I see it lol. When I find out my worth I will on top of the world. I dissaprove of being bored. Everyday is a learning process anyway, the Internet and library has tons of information on every subject. I in fact picked up a website design page because I want to start bringing more star seeds together. It's fun to create. I also want to create my own free-lance writing web page. Hopefully that'll work out. I want to save money so I can buy a boat and live on it for all eternity. Row my butt to the Bermuda Triangle and check out the scenery, hopefully I'll disappear haha. Well this is enough for today. !!!!! I write to much!!

Scattered Thoughts, Scattered Memories :( Sad there aren't any pictures :(

Late, Late Night Blog

Late, Late, Night Blog.

Today was pretty interesting and fulfilling. I suppose I am just taking it one day at a time right now releasing the old and coming into my own slowly but surely. I am removing a lot of the blocks that I have inside. I went off on Jennifer yesterday because she touched some touchy subjects, but she will never understand. I think I need understanding people right now and no one telling me whose responsibility is what? I know I am responsible for myself and for me to analyze something Ill need to express about it to someone that understands. Fortunately, I picked up a book about security so that I won’t let just anything into my life or into my computer. I will review it tomorrow.

I started off my day by waking up around 2pm. I don’t know why I woke up so damn late, but I was tired. I guess it was from chatting with Kauket the whole night. Kauket is a woman I met on the awakenings site and she is a Pisces Dragon that has a lot of the same interests as me. Very nice, not really a girl I’d go for physically, but she is mentally there. She wants to become an animal trainer and that’s hot. I want to become a dolphin trainer for a while. But who knows, I change my mind every three seconds, but I’ll make it somehow. Umm, she is very open, light hearted, loves to laugh, and give me hugs through the internet. I find it fantastic that she is such a bouncy girl. She loves Egyptian, Japanese, and other types of culture just like me. Umm, we’ll see how it goes, my higher self is only going to attract what and who is best for me. I still have to pay attention to what’s in my heart because I deserve the best. Especially in the physical realm, I will just have to do what I like and the money will follow.

After waking up, I ate some hot dogs, watermelon and drank a cup of ice water. It was very tasty and a pleasant moment. I think the best times in my life are when I am eating food because I am giving to myself and no one else. I’ve been doing that most of my life without any acknowledgment but it won’t happen again though. I just have to find out what’s best for me so I can do my best in this lifetime. Ok, I am always diving into something else besides the main topic of my stories. After eating, I meditated for a while and focused on breathe, showered, and made up the bed. I didn’t read that much but Kandace and I ended up going to the library for a while until around 9pm.

I ended up checking out Haiku’s and Japanese housing. I really will get a Japanese house and Japanese everything. I really love that culture and I want the best for myself and no one else. I don’t see why people see it as being self-fish, but the stronger and more independent I get the better I am. I always think of giving myself to do things for free. I forget I have a college degree and I don’t need to do anything for free. All that damn education and I am here just moping around, I have tons of work to do for the better. I won’t just allow anyone to just control me and boss me around with their unintelligent minds. I do sometimes, ask people to think for me, but I am always used helping others I just don’t remember how to give to myself which is horrible but oh well. I am learning and will continue to learn because I am doing not feel guilt. “THIS CANDLE SMELLS DELICIOUS”.

I explored the library and looked at books about Photoshop C2, Web Design, Computer Security, Internet Security and other things like that. I only checked out the Web Design and Internet Security with my temporary Library Card. Oh, yea I am going to receive one in the mail and that will be fun after I get it. I am going to load my computer with a bunch of songs. I still have more to download as well. I also looked into Runner’s Magazine, Traveler’s Magazine, The Writers Magazine so that I can gain some writer’s tip. It was the August Issue and that means August is just right around the corner. I better start writing some articles, before I am dying of starvation. I was attracted to this Song writing book but I couldn’t check it out because it’s not that important. The library became my sanctuary and there is nothing that will take me away from it. Computer access, all you can read information, and lots, lots more. Kandace checked out a bunch of Cd’s to download onto her computer. As long as she doesn’t try to sell them, I think its ok with her. I have torrent spy and MP3 Rocket.

We finally arrived home after a thunderstorm hit. I am such a scary cat when It comes to lightning. I spontaneously ran to the Kandace’s car but she wouldn’t run to let me in. I don’t know why I have such a phobia when it comes to lightning, but I do. I only like them when I am indoors or something. After arriving home, I lit some candles, meditated for a while and then cooked some chicken, rice, and green beans. I did a very good job. After that, I just pretty much backed up music, photos, and documents on just incase this thing goes wild or something. But I am going to prevent it from doing such a thing and do my best to maintain it’s decency. Today was a fulfilling day, and now I am going to focus on the things I truly love and stop taking myself from that. I love very unique things and I shouldn’t be ashamed of it. Why, do I try to fit in? I am not sure. Oh I need to write a journal entry about why I am so damn angry. Lol. I really am an angry little rat but that’s fine. Sometimes, I say I am going to do things and don’t do them, that what frustrates me the most I suppose. I am just going to have to get better at this self-disciplined. But my days are always filled with information gathering. I just need people to fund it. I forget that I have to give back to the world, but there is always time to start it.

I don’t even know what I am going to do tomorrow. But I’m sure it’s going to be fulfilling. AHH!!! I have to start experiencing things instead of just whizzing by it or I am not going to get anything done. It’ll be nice and fantastic once I am able to achieve this. I do things pretty quickly, so it’s not going to be that bad. Thesauruses are wonderful books and I know that I will be able to make successful poems once I am able to achieve self mastery. I oughta work on my crystals tomorrow or something. Meditate into them and write down my thoughts with my amazing pens and pencils. :D

Good JOB Sixth Moon!

Good Work Jamaal!!!. I am congratulating myself because I woke up around 8:30 a.m. today just like yesterday. I went to be around 11:30 pm., I picked those hours to go to sleep and wake up because I’ve read in a Fung Shui book that if you go to sleep during the hour of the RAT (11pm-1pm) You are more than likely to get a better nights rest and your cells will rejuvenate a lot faster during those hours. The hour of the dragon is between 7 am – 9am, during that hour I meditate, stretch, and gather some of that early morning energies from the Dragon. So far It’s been very fulfilling and I am proud of myself for becoming more self-discipline as I unravel myself from the negative thoughts that are holding me down. I deserve a change for the better and I will do the best I can with this.

Last night before I went to sleep, I read a little booklette about the 7 days mental diet. I am supposed to keep track of my thoughts and never dwell on negative thoughts, or I will have to start over. That means anyone that creates the disturbance in the force for 7 days will go unacknowledged, I am pretty self-defeating at times and hold myself back a lot from thinking to much so other people adding to that equation will be set on fire in my mind. But I possess so much talent; if I let it go to waste by thinking crappy all the time, this life time will have been a waste.


Yesterday I went to the library and read on some good materials and browsed through a few model webpage’s, writer’s information, and other things that were useful. My location is inhibiting from shinning, so if I am able to find another location to thrive off of, Ill is sure to use my talents wisely. The first and most important step is to develop a healthy schedule, because I banned myself from the T.V. because as I ascend it gets harder to watch these days. There is a bunch of garbage going on, so lately, I’ve been writing poems, running, reading, and stretching, enjoying nature to enjoy my time. I am developing a dialogue with my spiritual guide name Molt Wood; he is supposed to be my highest guide. So, I chatted with him a couple of times and he is pretty funny at times, it’s either my imagination or him. Its fun none the less; there is just a so many surprises in life. He yells at me when I get down on myself, it’s hard being a Virgo at times. But from what I was told we are suppose to run the world!

What shall I do today? Oh I decided to go into writing and modeling. I am gifted in both and will try my best to be acknowledged for my diverse mind which I feel is far different from a lot of folks. I really don’t call myself a southerner although I lived here for the majority of my life; I’ve traveled to many places and haven’t spoken to anyone in the south about deep subjects. The main topic is weed or black suppression, something useless like that. So if the southerners I’ve spoken with aren’t going to provide me with any mind stimulation, books and magazines will. Speaking of books, I’ve read this therapy book for writers. I have to start taking myself seriously as a writer and appreciate my works because they are going to change the world someday. As a child I was never really able to express myself because loud people that talks about nothing like to talk over me. That is why I learned to tap really fast, and involved myself in strategic gaming. Now I am able to read the dictionary as freely as I want to learn new words and develop my vocabulary. I like keeping things simple by letting the words flow peacefully.

Since I am on this keeping positive diet, I have to stay focused on the music I like, and constantly play music, search for employment that I like and no one else. I have to stay in-tuned with my Anime, Crystals, Nature, Beauty, and everything that makes me smile at all times. If not they aren’t needed in my life, because all that matters is my well-being during this time. Video games really clear my mind and things that’s smell good as well. The Orcas, Oceans, Sea Creatures, Dolphins, and Acoustic Guitars, Japanese culture, Samurais, Philosophy, and beautiful women with nicely shaped bodies. I am a quiet guy that really doesn’t like to speak much unless something sparks my interest. Usually it has to be about space and astronomy I look at anyone peacefully. Mangas are my favorite, especially the ones about games because the kids on there are trying to get stronger and help out their friends. That is wonderful to me; I have been a lone wolf for a while now. Even though I have friends that helped me, I am able to just take some of their thoughts and leave the rest. I don’t think anyone can handle the full me, because I am very passive and when someone shows an ounce of weakness. I just don’t bother with them anymore I suppose.


Astrology and Chinese zodiac is pretty amazing to me, Tarot cards, Pendulums, Shamanism, Buddhism, anything that involves taking your shoes off and putting my toes in between sand, viewing the ocean is the best. Traveling has been my biggest thing, although I travel a lot more mentally than physically. Soon I will have both since my positive thoughts will dwell upon being free. My moon will protect me, speaking of moon, I think it’s a new moon either today or tomorrow so I am going to get some creative energies. I am going to have to write my thoughts about the future today or tomorrow and create a poem or two about it. That would be fun.


The highlight of this little blog, journal entry, or whatever is about thinking positive and I have to track it. When I write, I track it better which will make me an abundant person filled with attractive things. If people are dwelling on the negative, all I have to do is become a silent observer and do not have to accept what they are saying. I am great at observing, so people need to watch out what they say around me or it can backfire. I am sensitive to sound, smell, touch, and site.

My animal guide for today is a Porcupine and its message is telling me!!!

“Porcupine has appeared in your reading today to bring a message of innocence and trust. Although Porcupine can throw quills when cornered, he is gentle, loving, and non-aggressive. Is there an area of your life that need Porcupine energy? Have you lost the ability to trust?

Yes, I have lost the ability to trust. I hardly trust my family with any information how I can trust strangers out there unless I pay them. That is why I blog, I trust that I am getting through to people to help express how they feel. I am full of expression and not even getting paid for it. But people are going through all kinds of garbage in their lives. I seem to be the only one that likes to submerge myself in knowledge and wisdom, while staying physically active everyday. Putting nothing but great food into my body that will allow me to grow into new levels, I guess people like me are pretty rare. Where are you guys?! Oh well, they will come if I think about it. Soon I will be able to learn from the great masters about how to gather energy from cosmic levels instead of having to eat. That’s it for today, laptop battery is dying. !”OH NO!”. I am going to read a book about conquering the world with size 13’s.

Silent Cooling Sensation

Very fulfilling day today. ....

What did I do? Sometimes I forget because I am always diving into something new. Writing has been a form of meditation for me albeit my mind is persistant at going off into the end of the universe with ideas. Oh well.

I woke up this morning to find myself very tired but I woke up to take ruby out. She was wimpering beggin me to take heroutside. I am actually waking up earlier these days instead of 2pm. I wake around 12am. YAY!. 11 am before that but oh well. It's a work in progress. My saying always goes, its not what time you wake up, its about what you are doing while you are awake. I spend most of my time in my waking days worrying about whats next when I should be in the present moment. I kick myself in the shins for always thinking to far a head. But I am visionary I can see into the future and into people's minds!

The more I become my true-self I find time whizzing by and I am able to do things a lot lot faster than I used to. I guess its because I am able to organize my thoughts and excute them properly. Nothing much went on through out today. I focused on my myspace page today. I work with it alot in order to explore myself. YEs exploring oneself is fun ( The spiritual way)!. My page used to be dull and I guess I was more focused on trying to attract a mate rather using other people's tatics than being myself. :P I notice I am not being messaged that much because of the fact I am being myself. Oh well, I guess the ones Ive been attracting aren't good for me anyway. Girls love to whine and complain about silly things, these days.
Myspace.com/jmonie02 for those that are interested.

So I made my girl friend the PEN. She is sexy and does whatever I tell her to do. Her ball point lets out a sexy ooze of black ink onto the nice silky paper on command. Thats my kind of woman! Welll enough of that. My space is fun if your able to work with the technology. I found a few new layouts for my page, which were very flamboyant, but who cares. I picked light blue with abstract figures on it . My spiritual powers is influenced by the wind and water. The water reflects the sky, and the sky heals. I see clarity when I look up to it. Very nice indeed, especially in parks. In the cities, the sky looks dull and smoggy. I hate that. I am a nature boy, many of my friends called me a flower child. I guess thats right because flowers have lots of power. I don't do the weed thing because I've known to many people with hyper brown yellow teeth. That is unattractive, I am the lover of beauty and a glass of water makes me high enough. I am naturally gifted with randomness so I dont need anything to trigger even more insanity.
I just feel the world can't keep up with a little free-spirited-ness !!. Speaking of that. I found a friend that I spoke with during college. I'll call her CASS because she is very eccentric and likes to talk. I found that we both like to write and my spirit moved me to send her a few notes. :P She is funny and outgoing. Sounds she is part of the mystical crew. She brought ferret as a pet which seemed mean because in one of her pictures he bites her. WEll I just posted on up of Ruby attacking me. Ruby does that sometimes , as if she is possessed. Spontaneously runs aorund the house and starts to nip everything. I guess she was bored and needed excitement but we can't do to much in our situation.


Hmm after working on the page I looked the book "Voices of knowledge" That is by far my favorite book. I recommened to anyone trying to find themselves. I forgot the author's name but its in my book list. Yea i am a philospher at heart. could you believe I made a C in that class. My teacher was a prick. I failed everything accept the final. I recieved an A on it, I did study alot and found philosophy very satisfying. Everyone had their beliefs and such which made the world go round. Those people made the world go round. Out of the box thinkers are the ones that rule the world. The dormant people believe in everything everyone else believes. That's why my god is the moon. She seems fun and controls the currents and our emotions. There is proof but I dont need proof that she is guiding me.

Today I had tuna in a can , pasta with tomatoe sauce and peanut butter jelly sandwhich. Flip the list around and that was breakfast, lunch, and dinner. :) I am creative when it comes to eating. Although I did eat some muffins and cake icing today. mmmmmmmm but i worked it out by doing crunches, pushups and other physical activities. I want to run tomorrow. Running is so much fun, thats how you get the real women! Being able to show them you can run up a flight of stairs without being tired is a true gift. ehhh hmmm *clears throat * "STAMINA!".... Lets not get all vulgar here.

I spoke with my spiritual guides today and they were checking on my spiritual energy while I was washing clothes. They told me my energy was all over the place and that I needed to focus on one thing at a time. :P I seriously have a problem, because my energy surges. I have a restless nature, there is so much to do during this life time.but in order to move forward with my life i have to master one thing. I decided modeling and writing was the two I would go after. PErhaps modeling, I can make a lot for standing around and looking half decent for the world. I truly want to be a movie extra. I do have some confidence issues at times. The photographers are confusing or want to much. Im like imma dude all i have to do is stand there and look pretty. :P DAMN IT! Other than that I don't know . I decided that I was going to work on my other myspace page I haave up and running for modeling. Ill set up the links to everything sooner or later.

I also was tempted to organize and edit every blog I have written. I wanted to read and see where my heart truely lies. I found that I hate MIS and deskjobs. Selling stuff is something I hate to do. I don't like to lie either, that dormants my healing abilities. I was considering going back into soccer but I want to see what else i can master. Who knows!. Ill probably be a famous random kid running around the tv screen. Im 6'4 1/2 so hopefully ill find some interesting work in modeling. HMMM......... This is long as hell..

I got to speak with my twin today. She is fun to talk to . Her birthday is just a day before mine and we are both on the same wave legnths is really fun to know that you have an exact replica running around doing the same things your doing but in a different body haha. The signs weren't very clear to me today from the heavens but I guess finding focus was the main message.

OOOH I watched the shows on on Rappers and their wives. Really crappy show.
I need to defintely comment on this. I think E or something, that channel that are obessed with celeberties. Those people actually make money talking about famous people. What a waste of time I think. Money, sexy and drugs causes problems unnecessary ones. The reason the t.v was even on, roomate figure happend to watch it. I noticed the rappers were making so much money and buying teeth, jewelry, cars , diamond shoes. Im like what the hell. They claim they are trying to save the world with their music, but its making everyone even dumBer. Im sorry I have nothing against it but its like why are you puttin on an act just to make money and thats not even you. Thats highly fake to me and I could never do something like that. They have all these kids and they are going to grow up thinking its ok to call women "bitches and hoes". Run around wanting this and that, without proper education. :( so sad! . And those people really think they made it life. Thats true but there is more. They made it in a realm with no true value. Kids are dying each day in the caves trying dig out diamonds. There are rappers rapping about it and still buy diamonds. 3 million dollars worth. If it were me, and I had that type of cash. I would defintely open up a school to help teach the true meaning of life. The way I would make my money is to use my creativity. Hopefully that will inspire younger generations to use positive outlets whether it be anger or happiness. Allow their spirits grow naturally and not artificially. 3 million dollars can go to books and faciilities so that the children grow up finding their niche in the world of creation. Our field trips will be going to sites like egypt, gallapagos island, crystal hunting, creating art, enforcing love one another. Perhaps thats my mission in life. No matter what I am going to be myself through the process the whole way. Staying healthy and in shape is apart of that process, especially associating myself with the right people constantly. Not call a woman out her name just for publicity. Come on now. :P oh well. Thats my view, very different and I am going to stick to it.

I remember the days when I got pissed. I would put in a fighting game whether it be street fighter or bloody roar and beat the "SHI*! out of the enemies because I was so pissed at the world at times. Very creative outlet in deed. I recieved many secret charcters and it allowed me to beat more ass lol.

Ok, Im out, I wonder what adventure I have tomorrow. Pray that I stay focused on one thing at a time. I had to put away 5 books that I was reading. Books are distrations to me because I want to learn it ALL. is. MWHAHAHA. I guess I do need to find a woman to distract me from taking over the world.

The word for today is Durable - Able to exist for a long time without significant deterioration also: designed to be durable.

Example:
Jamaal is a durable young man. He was designed to take on the garbage of the world and transmute it into holy light for the future of all.
Note to self:.. You created a book based on psychic protection, meditation,and the element WATER info for your enlightenment. USE IT.

EVIL LAUGH: MWAH HA HA ..... HA HAHAH!

Debt Goddess

I know you hear me. I want to pray to you because I feel overwhelmed, my life would be a lot better if you would come down and poop on all the Loan Offices that I owe money to. Listen to my cry, I beg that you clear my name of any debt that I owe. It'll take me many life times to pay it off and I feel my skin wrinkling each day thinking about the Debt I owe the school. The world has programmed me to become a robot and now I have awoken. I recently tried to find a job, They told me I was to over qualified or to under qualified. So I gave up hope on finding peace working. Besides, IT jobs are so boring, but I learned never to give up once I start something, What a load of crap, I should have went with my gut feeling from the start. I could have taught myself all the stuff that I really wanted to know. I am so ashamed that I listened to those crackheads, they don't even want to help me :( They don't love me! They just want to brag about, me obtaining a degree, finding a good job. I found that I am an Angel sent to the planet to heal it. I am so imaginative and so are my fellow college comrades. They were told to get degrees, get a job, and live a boring life like our parents did. But we want to be forgiven for hearing such nonsense.
They were programmed to put us in debt, I really find myself lost and I even thought, that If I jumped off a cliff it would make it feel better. Make all the Debt go away. But If i died now, then I won't be able to eat Ice cream every Tuesday and Fish in the lake I always wanted to swim in. I want a free life, and the debt I've developed was because the world told me I was stupid, I couldn't obtain certain scholarship because I didn't pass the crooked test with the proper grades. My mind is much more expansive then that. Now I owe large sums of money because I truly awakened.

Debt Goddess, I promise I will clean your Nike's, and polish your rims whenever you erase these pains. If you want I will even bake you cupcakes, using Duck Eggs. Just the way you like it. I thought my family was going to help me with my school funds, but they are going through problems. I hate payments, And the people told me to live each day as if it were your last. I don't want to die in Traffic because some idiot drove the wrong way to work on the highway. That would be a meaningless death. I want to die doing what I love, and I have no knowledge of what I love anymore. If I were out of debt my comrades and I can finally find peace coloring in coloring books and painting Mustaches on Ronald McDonald for a living. Please Debt Goddess, Ill even bring Lassie back to life so we can watch so more shows together. HAHA.. Hear the prayer of the debted so-called college Graduates. We are the poorest Mofos on the planet. I wish I stuck to throwing rocks in the ocean and chopping coconuts into bite size pieces. PLEASE !!
POOP on the buildings.!! The only thing I truly learned in college is that, Cheating gets you by in life !! Working hard and making straight A's causes cancer!

Is this all even real?

I am sitting down, carefully. While my thoughts disappear and appear randomly. Refusing to be a robot, but is that all Ill have to become in this life. I finally woke up and realized that life is moving in a direction that I don't want to be apart of. Maybe I just been in the wrong world and my world is till yet to be found. I need an explanation, I need my questions answered, I need to ask questions. Why does my body feel so heavy everytime I walk now. Why does my thoughts become so real that I can feel that coming in my brain. It gets heavier and heavier these days. I always been strong, but now that I don't even know what real is anymore. The life that I was shown is so boring, so unlively. CAn I just go to someone's house and paint, write, live in the woods for all eternity so that this can all just fade away. Will my reality become a prison or a place of freedom.

Today I want to be able to decide that my life is go to be free. Without this restrictiveness. I want my instincts to take over because they have been sadly placed out the window. But I know where to find them. I want to rely on those that will create my reality of freedom. I am so called on this mission of freedom and finding myself. I really dont know where to begin. I can't really rely on anyone, which I've been doing these 23 years of living. I relying on this spirit that has always been there. Inside me. I like to view my spirit as a hidden wolf, in a forest filled with white snow, and tall trees. My inner world thats delightful paradise that has been set on fire from the outer world. I don't blame them though, I blame myself , my thoughts should be light as a butterfly right now. Just drifitng away into a far away land. Of course their will be storms on the way. Of course theyll be crack heads singing "Money is rules the world". I don't believe that's true. My spirit knows the truth, but I've been disconnected from it for so long that It's showing me the way. I have to rely on it and take caution because my thoughts have become heavy.

From time to time, I view my self now communicating with myself as a Kid. Telling me things now as if I were his friend, lost brother, or dear father figure. When I was a kid, I was sensative , gentle, shy, heart filled with gold light, and then I become this shallow, judgemental person, that lacks trust in anything. I've grown to not trust myself at times because I don't really know myself. But the child in me says, Take time. Talk to me and get to know me, I have all the answers you seek. It just takes time to get through to you, for you to hear and embrace the moments. Only if I had a sword or something that I can trust. I want to learn to trust myself, instead of just going through the motions. I want to LIVE, creatively. Draw , Read, Paint, Create wonderful music and write about it each day. YEa, Im starting to get the messsages now from this inner child. I want to sit by moonlit beaches and kick around coconuts and write stories about a "Cherry that couldn't be red" get it. Well i don't . :).... I never knew I had all these abilities until now. Well lets say I knew it, I just never embraced it until now. I will be remarkable because I am ambitious, my heart lies in the arts. Although my mind slowly is slipping away from the conformity that was instilled in it. The thoughts of being behind a desk working for someone has been set on fire and tossed off a cliff and then on the bottom of the cliff. There is a nuclear acid that will dissolve that thought as well. So what now.........

CREATE CREATE CREATE.... That what reality is, Reality is a creation. If I create a reality then I become creator. If I create many realities, I've become a creator of many realities. Now rich wife where are you. So I can create. :).

Voyage to my true-self

How will I succeed? Is the question I am asking myself. Today I decided to go ahead and journey to find my true self although I am very anxious to find out what is going to happen. Maybe this trip is probably the riskiest thing I ever done during my life time. I've been through far worst things in my life that no one will understand. No, I didn't have a near death experience or anything but I am following something that people have disconnected from. Intuition is something I find as my best friend. My gut feeling, or God self others call it, is something i seek to stregnthen.

This gut feeling is telling me to full express myself to it's limit in which how I want to express it. Not what others want, but what I want to do. I don't really look through a whole situation like other see it because I am an "Indigo" Adult. I can see things from beginning to end, although experiencing things are a lot better. I can think of 100 scenarios off the top of my head, talking about things to people that don't understand is meaningless because the world likes to talk down on people. They seem to talk down because they weren't taught any better in this world, but on a another topic.

Well my thoughts are telling me to move forward and release the attachments that I have because they made me into this creature that is limited and always self-doubting himself. My teacher will be my gut feeling and I will be devoted to it. I am leaving behind this cave that I put myself in. I smell something rotting as if it were a dead squirell buried in the walls. I couldn't find the source yet but oh well. I have to full express myself. The way I know that is through my body, but sculpting it with continuous excersise and maintaining a healthy diet. I also read and study spirituality to unite the body and mind. Writing is a passion and my therapy. Although I am a terrible speller and my grammar doesn't own up to traditional standards. I don't care, I write anyway. hmmm. Well I like to paint and color in coloring books. I like being a kid, and will join anyone that loves to do the same thing. I like walking in the creeks barefoot. I like walking barefoot with my shirt off in cold rain. I know that Its mind over matter and I won't get sick as long as I take care of my thoughts and body.

The journey I am setting out on is the removal of possesions that will not suite the lifestyle that I wish to live. I honestly don't want to many posessions because I am a traveler at heart and won't need to establish anything until I get old and wrinkly. Not even then, I can see myself in a hut in Japan writing stories under a cherry blossom tree. I probably won't even get old, maybe ill just get wiser and eat pure, so that my body can stay pure for as long as possible. That's going to be fun, but I don't want to think about getting old. I want to think about how I am going to live today. Although my actions don't correspond with my thoughts sometimes because I know the manifestation process and I dish out to much junk to the universe. Giving it mixed signals.

I woke up and realized that I was trained by the school system to become a person that I don't want to be. I am glad I woke up, maybe my efforts are futile but I never had a dream until now. I never wanted to be an old fat dad with so many kids. I knew I wanted to be good at something, at many things. I want to be remembered by people that an spiritual being living a human experience can live freely and properously. I am a lover of different worlds. I often see myself on a hill next to a tree watching a full moon, rise, and fall. OR even next to a beach. I like to drift into those worlds and stay there for a while. But I have so much work to do in this world, I think its ridiculous. I want to go in a trance and let a spirit come into me and do all the work for me lol. But I like living through experience. It's hard to explain. I'm getting hungry writing this.

BUt the main focus of the story is to go by intuition and live life to the fullest. Taking care of oneself is the best thing anyone can do. Don't live for anyone, live for yourself. Living for yourself sets a greater example instead of living for someone where they can use you for whatever their needs are. :) funny that I awoke and see the world around me as a place of limitation, but yet we are suppose to be free. It's sad and I really can help, but at the same time, i really won't feel alive. I want to just go and view all the historical sights and learn things. OFten times my ego gets in the way and says. Your family will be jealous and ask you for things. It'll be my choice to say yes or no though eh? Well I know I have to look out for myself and find out my reason for living. Using my intution as my Guide will help a great deal.

I might Fly on a Dragon's back and just go far far away.