Discovering My Life's Work

My mind is racing about, a thousand miles per hour. I thought I would just squeeze a little bit of my thoughts on to paper as I hesitate to just live an ordinary life.

Today I am asking myself "Why am I against the majority of the world's ideas and philosophies. I can not tell anyone what goes through my mind these days because its beyond comprehension. I think and ask myself, do I look like an ordinary human being and where are my extra-ordinary people in this world. I really need them bad with their out-of-the box ideas and philosophies.

During Late October I found myself back in Atlanta trying to get my life together. The things I've gotten accomplished were unheard of just a few months ago. I finally gotten my car registered so the cops would stop me and put me in jail. In order for me to get the car registered I had to get my car to pass the emissions. It failed the first time and I had to get it repaired in the Fulton county. In order to get the car fixed I had to accumulate some money, and that was a hard task, because I've been in depression for about 6 months, and what got me out of it, was the ability to move in with my Uncle in Atlanta.

Now my car is complete, my computer adapter has been swapped out, I have gas money to roam around Atlanta in order to seek a job. I am currently creating a couple of Resume drafts so that I can finally print them out and get a job that doesn't require much labor work. I am a thinker and a strategic artist. I don't do hard labor unless it's lifting weights or running up mountains. I like to achieve personal goals when it comes to that. Could you believe that people said I could work as a part time Box lifter to just put money in my pocket? Instead of starting my own business, writing, or creating something to benefit human kind. Lifting boxes is probably the next thing in line for me to do. I do somehow get offended when people try to take a shot at my intelligence. I guess its my fault for keeping my life secret and what not. Oh well. I haven't been spending much time home.

I am not sure why I get so offended, but time ticks and I can present myself really well. But I remember obtaining mindless jobs and the employers asked why was I there? I told them that I was easily persuaded by family and friends to work this "Shit job". lol. I guess It's because after graduation I had to hit full throttle and scatter my energies all over the place.

I vowed to not take those turn of events. My friends suggested that I valet park cars and travel 50 miles to coach soccer each day in the 23 degree weather. That doesn't make me better than that person. It just makes me a different type of person. Something will work out, because I am magnetizing a job to me. :P. Why would I do that? I guess secretly, I am a homebody and I don't mind staying home and just dwindling on the internet. I know I have to do something with my life, but with these suggestions I think I need to find heavy and motivational beings with big ideas. The ideas from my other friends were good. AND why am I even calling them friends. Everyone is only an associate until further notice. I had to deal with a lot of betrayal, single-mindedness, and just shitty situations with these people.

Everyone thinks that everything is cool between them, but I can act my way through life as if nothing were happening. But I found out through my depression that I did not have an outlet to express my worries, wants, needs, desires. I found my outlet is in writing and speaking with a chosen few that I found along my path. Now, I am quite a loner and haven't really had any in-depth conversations with people lately.

I am afraid that my brain may fall out with their mode of thinking. Remember I am a Virgo, so criticizing is my forty. I figure that I am to nice of a guy and people want to use me as a door mat sometimes. They feel that they can just say anything they want to me, but I learned to just use body language to show my uncomfortable level. There has to be a group of heavy thinkers that I can join. All we would think, and not speak at all. That would be nice lol. Listening to music would be our way to concentrate on thinking.

Today, I became frustrated with myself because I had a pre-screening over the phone for a Version Control Position, and I messed up by telling them about the programs that I used that I hardly had any experience in. Plus I do not; know how to make a resume, because I don't know what direction I am going in. Besides I don't settle. It's like when I do have something; I find a way to get out of what I have to find something better. The recruiter told me that my resume needed a bit more work, and I had to describe what I did at each company, and the programs I used. Not just describe the programs in general. Computers are fascinating, but I am a lot more drawn to the natural world. I will need to find something in Environmental Work or Animals. I thought I would be fascinated with web design, writing, and photography. But I also wanted to try soccer for about 2-3 years with a semi-pro team..

The opportunities are endless but I am just thinking where I should start. I am used to having a partner in crime but I am hanging solo and won't recruit another best friend until I found someone worthy. It'd probably end up being a be a beautiful female since I attracted to the opposite sex, and I don’t need a lot of people around me.

Well, the more I think about working the more I want to through up. I haven't worked in almost a year now, and it's been great living the life of a philosopher, reader, and thinker. It's not like I don't do anything, there are countless books that I have read that I usually post on my face book. I read thousands of articles on Astrology, Inspiration, Motivation, and Spirituality. I would share with people my ideas, but it usually goes over their heads so I have to find some kids to influence in a positive way.

So what Is my life's work? I am not sure but I do know Venus rules my birth chart. She is associated with Beauty, Charm, Love, and I think Modeling would still be a great avenue, but I'd have to find someone that would pay for my food and gym member ship. I rather work out 24/7 and not set foot in an office. Becoming a body builder/writer/model/ male jigaloo sounded good lol. J.p about the jigaloo part. I enjoy just being to myself at all times, and when I think of working for someone, it feels like my body turns in to stone and I do not want to move. No matter how much I want to move on. It's like rather turn into a tree instead. I'll soon get over and I won't hit the next person that just says get anything, because I know where their mind is at, it’s practically inside their own heads and not in mine.

Today I was supposed to be gentle with myself, which was recommended by the Deer Card that I picked up from my Avalon Oracle cards. Being Gentle with myself would be to just listen to music all day, run about 5 laps around a track, work out in the weight room, read about 5 books in a day, then eat a good meal, watch a movie, and then visit a national park lol.

Oh, that reminds me I visited Stone Mountain Park Yesterday; It was very peaceful up there. I climbed to the top with my feet, and I walked very fast too. I went Monday and Wednesday. The view of the sun set touched my heart tremendously as I felt that I was closer to the sky, and the flow of deep space. I saw the Atlanta sky-line, and sat down just thinking about how cold it was. I sat in an isolated part of the mountain where it would be hard to see me. I sat there just asking the Stone Mountain for it's strength in hopes that I could find stability in myself. I feel the more I am around the mountain and become in tune with it, the more grounded I will feel. Only time will tell.

Well that is enough; I will pursue my job search in hopes of finding employment with the right company and people. Or just end up making my own business. :) May there be peace on Venus!

Solar Eclipse Day (New Moon)

Sweet Misery - Amel Larrieux - song has nothing to do with what I am talking about but it's nice :D

Today is the day of the Solar Eclipse. New moon is today, so it's a super new beginning. I wish I was in the areas that are able to view it. There is suppose to be a lunar eclipse later on this month as well. I wonder what that means, because having two eclipses are suppose to have some deep spiritual meaning I think. I think it's time to soak up the energies that is provided by the moon presenting it's self in front of the sun.

My days are totally switched around. Instead of waking up at 7am. I wake up at 7pm now and go to bed around 11am. I decided to make that switch instinctively because I wanted to spend more time looking at the stars. Yesterday, I got a glimpse of a UFO. I know it wasn't a plane because it wasn't blinking. I laid in the grass gazing in the stars like I always do, and then suddenly I saw this "Star", or bright dot floating around. It started moving slowly like a plane and then moments later it became very bright and disappeared. A few minutes later I saw a plane in another part of the sky, but it was blinking and moving like a plane. So, that plane confirmed it , that I did not see an ordinary object in the sky. So, neat, I guess my veils are beginning to tear away.

Earlier, I saw a shooting star zoom across the sky. I made a wish upon it and hopefully it comes true. I love nighttime, that's when I feel most alive and relax. I am still incorporating the ideas of being a night dweller instead of moving through out the sun lit days. I get to see the sun rise as well, which is fulfilling to me. The sun wakes during the hours of the dragon, so that's neat! I walked, laid in the grass and just sat there letting my thoughts come together. I really don't do much anyway, because I love living the simple life. It's been 8 days since I wrote my last blog, and It only felt like it was yesterday.

Time is moving at an incredible rate. It's like how can this be without any warning, those that are aware of this. I wonder what they are doing in order to harness this new time speed. It doesn't make sense, but I am glad because I need to hurry up with my mission.

Today I ended up at Books-a-million and gazed across some comics. I took a glimpse at the Mariner, or something. A comic about the King of Atlantis. It was pretty interesting because I figured I had a couple of past lives in Atlantis which seemed very interesting, so I also took a look at you tube videos that spoke about Lemuria and Atlantis, I love those stories. True or not true, I like fantasy anyway. I believe it's true and whats going on in the world is so outdated and boring. War is totally over-rated lol. After that I decided to call on my spirit and imagined myself by the Orion's belt. I started hearing a voice in my head saying. " I am Kamara from distant realms". I know I am a writer and I am suppose to make up a lot of things, then I suddenly heard the sound of water. I didn't freak out though but it was very interesting.



Oh, I decided to apply to the Peace Corp. I am always helping everybody and their momma with problems instead of my own, so why not make my time useful and travel everywhere doing it where it's needed instead of giving my powers to people that drain the crap out of me. No more of that, I promise myself!! . I am single without any offsprings running around. At least I don't think I do lol, I just have myself to worry about. It'll be a good opportunity for a new challenge.I consider it a project to see what I am truely capable of when it comes to spreading love and wisdom, I can learn several languages while I am at it

. I hope they take me in. The only thing that would hold me back is my debt :(. It'll take forever for me to pay it off because of my attitude towards society, I don't want to work a meaningless job and that's all that I see currently. I am still in the releasing of the old beliefs process and it's taking a lot of time, jeez. I just want it to end already, but I figure you can't rush perfection haha.I figure traveling around the world helping people will provide me with enough inspiration to create stories, or perhaps help me with a high level position, who knows. Traveling will give myself a challenge and much recongnition which I need for myself. I am bound to be a bad ass in the future. The numbers says I am cool, with the Life path of 7 I also discovered I have master numbers in my numerology chart. 11 and 22 pops up all over the place. Everyone should google, numerology if your intersted.

Well, I am glad I wrote today, because I always feel good when I write and just let my fingers type away and away. I wonder what kind of thoughts the solar eclipse will bring today because it's wonderful to see those types of things in the sky. It's different, better than seeing rising gas prices in my opinion, or dramatic people worrying about silly things. :p

I have to write two essays for the Peacecorp. That should take like 2 minutes because I type super fast. I need something new and exciting in my life. Come new life, come to me now! I will be kind and generous.

The Lemuria Video I watched:

Full Moon Tonight

It's a full moon tonight, how lovely is that for such a passionate person of the moon. I just came outside from soaking in the moonlight and set down my stones,my jug of water, and placed my feet on the ground to absorb the lunar light fragments sprinkled all over the place. Now I have re-energized crystals and a jug of water that has been hit by the lunar flames of the night. I spent roughly an hour outside just thinking about the up and coming month and reflecting on the previous accomplishments since the last full moon. I was fascinated by the accomplishments but I still have much to release.

The obstacles I still have to over come are the issues I hold inside about my ideas of my family. I have charge up my root and sacral chakra because they are closed. I took this chakra test and that assured me that I needed to do something about it. I started meditating with my red and orange stones and eating orange food such as carrots. My meditation was geared towards charging my chakras with red and orange light. I already do some heavy physical exercises so, that didn't but instead of running I began to walk. Walking allows me to stay in my body and feel my legs picking up off the ground and move. I began taking hot baths and feeling my body as I lay in the water, massaging my legs and feet with baby oil. It's soothing. I just feel that I have to come back to reality, my higher chakras are and harmonized, however without a strong foundation there isn't much hope for survival. The root chakra is the base of survival and fearlessness. I am that of a fearless warrior but going through the ascension process I had to release a lot of things so suddenly which hampered them chakras so much.




Right now I am surrendering to my spirit and letting go all the contracts I have with anything. I am relying on my own sources for power and wisdom of how to do this. The images that come up in my head is being by water, owning my own apartment, with Internet and begin making money by selling my creativity. I love to write stories and what not, so this month I am going to set it all up. I have my pay pal account finally set up to make money, I am thankful for Joseph for his guidance to help me make that happen. Without him I'd probably still rant and rave about why having a job is meaningless. I am working though, just not in this reality, I believe I am hanging out in higher realms because I don't even get the T.V. anymore the television urks me , time is moving a lot faster, so I just have to keep up.

On top of that I was reading my ascension book and I cleansing my soul through deep meditation. 20 mins feel like 2 minutes now the better I get at it. all I do is focus on breathe and white light. Sometimes when I wanna focus on love, I used past relationships to help with that aspect. I've shown and received lots of love with plenty of women, but sometimes I rejected it because I felt unworthy, now I don't have to feel unworthy. Society teaches us this and it's really not a good thing if you want to obtain personal truth.

Today, I ate a crap load of cookie dough, don't worry I had health foods all day. Cookie Dough is my addiction, but I rarely have it now since I don't have my own source of income at the moment, but when it happens I will have a fridge full of it, but not to much I don't want to lose my "Six-PAC". My light is becoming more powerful though, the better music i listen to the more orbs I see during those moments. It's fascinating although I only see them for a half a second ,it's fun to see these bright little buggers light up randomly out the side of my eye. I just want to see them permanently and be able to ask them questions. I feel my guides at time resting on my right arm. Like they are trying to get my attention.


There is one thing that bugs me is that my family especially my mom and sister, wants me to retire them and buy them a house. If I don't they call me selfish. :( Why did that do that to me? Did I allow this because society tells me family first no matter what. If i asked them for a house, a car, even other fancy things, they will close up their purse and say get a job. So no, sorry, I chose my life to be free. They even tell me that since I don't have kids I should be able to do this. That's very lame, who teaches these people to say such things. I never had that belief even though I was raised in the same environment as them. I just believe I am a lone wolf trying to make a living. My spirit wanted to stop pursuing goals just so I want become wealthy and feel obligated to provide these things for the family. Now I say screw it, they can bust their ass and work hard to gain their own fortunes and I can have mine things. I created my reality, but I was easily influenced by the concept of family staying together, but with their thoughts I beg to differ and no one should have to put up with it. "As if it were a blessing that I didn't have kids, I used condoms really and acted responsibly in the bed that's pretty much it. No condom, No sex, no kids" I don't figure that's to hard but oh well. Now I want my G-35 , spacious apartment, work desk, living by the beach and I won't let the economy stand in my way. Well enough of that, the Moon and my higher self will grant my wish.

Every full moon I set my intentions on bettering my life. Right now I want to focus on the forgiveness aspects. It's easy for me to tuck things away and forgive easily, but right now I refuse to forgive people who be little me at times, but I want to release that. I am the source of my own power and I do not need anyone telling me how to live my life. I can take suggestions, but its up to me to accept it or not. However, I do attract a lot of people without having to say a word, mainly its because of my physical body, I presume. Being 6'4 and willing to smile at anything and everything shoots of invitations, my teacher told me to work on that lol. So here is the list I am making, by the NEW MOON I am going to double check what I have done.

-Learn Forgiveness and Forgive myself and those that have abused me, hurt me, intentionally or unintentionally.

-Charge my root chakra and sacral through meditation and physical exercises, allowing my creativity to flourish

- Focusing on creating and abundant cash flow so that I can become independently wealthy, because I deserve it, my spirit urges for it.

-Working with my gifts and energy manipulation

-Releasing attachments and psychic contracts ( ALL OF THEM)

-Enjoying fun and games; allowing my self to relax every once in a while.

Well I don't want to make work load to much, the above list is a lot of work for me and everyday is a chance to create an abundant future. Because I deserve it. DAMN IT!

Here is a favorite video game song that I like

Wolverine's Theme ; Street Fighter Vs. X-Men

Journey Towards to FOOD

I wanted to write on this fine night to help me with my journey towards greatness. I don't really have a formal quote or anything to write, but we'll see what comes out of my mind as I write. I usually have pictures on my site, but this crazy webpage is not letting me load any!!

I went grocery shopping today with my roommate. We finally was able to afford food, we decided that we wanted to continue to exist here on planet earth. Instead of buying gas and paying for bills, we were taught in science class that food is energy and we need it. I guess we want to live a little bit longer for now. I actually don't pay for anything, as I transition into Independence, I just need someone to take care of me through my ascension process. People will think I am crazy if I went out into the real world now. But I am not, I do believe in Aliens and washing my hands before I eat ! :) My roommate and I created wonders out of 20 dollars, its a lesson of conservation. I think we passed. Although we brought $21.20 worth of food. ( DAMN TAXES). I am a perfectionist so I was a little upset that I didn't calculate that in, oh well. We have Turkey Bologna to make up for it.

After grocery shopping ,we headed to the dollar Theatre, Actually the movies cost $2.50 on the weekends. :( Why do they call it the dollar movie theatre if the ticket prices aren't a dollar all the time. False Advertisement!!!. Oh well, it was a pretty nice theatre. I missed out on a lot of movies during my transition and I was finally able to see Forbidden Kingdom. I want to be a Traveling Monk now.I want to go on an enchanted journey and become an immortal. So I can conquer worlds and enjoy new sites. The world is such a dull place sometimes. I think the Internet is the best world I've seen so far. What a magical movie that was!. . Owning a big house and fancy cars seems boring. I want to own my powers and manipulate the people that create M&M's so they can deliver free bags of M&M's everyday to my door step. The force is with me !!! But it is a fun movie. I recommend it to anyone. The kid reminds me of myself, I've always had a passion for martial arts and fighting. It's very fun to participate. My favorite PlayStation games are Street Fighter, SNK, Samurai Showdown, and Fatal Fury.

So I think in a couple of my past lives I was a magical fighter of some sorts. Probably was hired to protect, since I like protecting people in and guiding people in this life time. Well actually I quit that, because people don't want help anymore these days. I just hate seeing people destroy themselves over nothing. Oh well, I was told I am only responsible for myself. I am just here to think positive and do whatever I want. Especially since I have the ability to see orbs at random. These bright lights are kind of nice, but they flash at random times.

Martial Arts has been a passion of mine ever since I was a kid. I practice Tae Kwando and received a red belt before moving away into a far distant town. Into hell actually, but that's another story. I was a bad ass, and won 3rd place in my first ever tournament. I didn't do all the yelling, I just focused my energy on my feet. I was pretty strong as well, I remember kicking this one guy through the pad and he had to go throw up or something. I wonder what kind of damage I can do now. I'll probably kick down a couple of trees tomorrow to find out how powerful I am, maybe I lost it. I won't know until I find out. I did read in a Samurai Philosophy that games are a waste of time and a noble man is the one that trains, studies, and trains some more. A leader always has to look good because people will look up to him and follow his noble ways.

I kind of want to watch a bunch of martial arts films today. I played a little Guild Wars finally, I wanted to kind of take myself out this world for a while, and help focus on journeys and quests in the games. It will help me with this life as well. People think games are a joke, but they are actually quite useful, just depends on the games you play. So Guild WARS is not a game haha. There is life and death there, of course there is a restart button but still. The game tallies up the amount of death one has. So that's pretty meaningful, no real funerals but its still sad, seeing your man defeated by goblins that just zapped you with lightning and summon a dead army of flies . Oh well, I think this will be good for me anyway. I've been in serious mode these past days and really not getting anything done. My animal Tarot, told me I need to play a little more and start taking life a lot less seriously. I suppose, but I figured I had to break out of some mental patterns that keep holding me back some how. I am better now.


Damn, I write a lot; I apologize, but oh well. Tomorrow I am going to dive into creating articles and start making some money, so that I can finally buy food! I seriously only live to buy food. I think I am a good writer. I don't have any money on me now and the only way out for me is to write. Gas prices is ridiculously high and I have to use my resources. Which is my laptop, the Internet, and my skills. I have tons of education, I felt that I disrespected myself because I was settling for these low dead end jobs. I am a freaking genius and I can't be messing with small time stuff anymore. I don't have any formal experience, but I know I can do any job I set my sites on. Most jobs are pretty boring, I don't know how many people are bored with their jobs, they get paid to be in jail is how I see it lol. When I find out my worth I will on top of the world. I dissaprove of being bored. Everyday is a learning process anyway, the Internet and library has tons of information on every subject. I in fact picked up a website design page because I want to start bringing more star seeds together. It's fun to create. I also want to create my own free-lance writing web page. Hopefully that'll work out. I want to save money so I can buy a boat and live on it for all eternity. Row my butt to the Bermuda Triangle and check out the scenery, hopefully I'll disappear haha. Well this is enough for today. !!!!! I write to much!!

Scattered Thoughts, Scattered Memories :( Sad there aren't any pictures :(